Why Don’t We Talk About Vulvar Pain?

Orit Zilberman
Sep 3
3 min read

Vulvar and vaginal pain can be as intense as a migraine, but most people never talk about it. It’s still a taboo, and awareness is very low, even though about 1 in 7 women and girls will experience this kind of pain at some point in their lives.

Vulvodynia, a common chronic vulvar pain condition, is often under-diagnosed, misdiagnosed, or even dismissed. Which can worsen the pain, not just physically, but also emotionally.

Why is awareness so low?

One reason is that even many doctors are unfamiliar with vulvodynia. Without the right knowledge, women are often sent from one invasive examination to another, receiving false treatments or diagnoses. Too often, their pain is minimized. Too often, they are advised to “just relax” or “drink a glass of wine before sex,” as if their pain isn’t real.

Research shows that reaching a diagnosis often takes months or even years. For many women, this long, frustrating process increases distress and sometimes makes the pain worse. Some stop searching for help and give up on sex or learn to suffer quietly. Out of shame, they often don’t speak about it with their best friends or even their partners. This silence leads to loneliness, isolation, and the painful belief that they are somehow damaged or “asexual.”

In reality, their low desire is probably a consequence of painful sexual contact, not the cause. The vulva and clitoris are designed to create pleasure and arousal. When pain, or even just the memory of pain, takes over, desire naturally disappears.

The bigger picture

Like many areas in women’s health, vulvodynia is under-researched. Existing knowledge is still limited, which means that even when women receive the right diagnosis, they may not get accurate or updated treatment options. Sometimes they even receive treatments that worsen their condition.

Another reason for low awareness is social: female anatomy is still censored. On social media, where many of us get information today, words like vulva and vagina are flagged or silenced. (I wrote about this in my previous blog).

And finally, women themselves often underestimate their pain. Some believe discomfort is “normal.” Others don’t consider burning or itching as pain. But it’s important to remember: this part of the body is physiologically meant for pleasure. Any ongoing discomfort should not be accepted as normal.

A positive finding from studies

While there's still much to learn, studies show that remission from vulvodynia is possible, although relapses are common. Persistence without remission is the exception rather than the rule. A few studies also show promising results with non-intimate approaches such as acupuncture, mindfulness, and sexology as part of treatment.

My clinical perspective

Since 2007, I’ve supported hundreds of women with vulvar and vaginal complaints, including vulvodynia, vaginitis, and pain during intercourse. In my clinic in Amsterdam, I work with acupuncture in non-intimate areas, individualized herbal prescriptions, and lifestyle guidance. Always in a quiet, respectful environment.

If you’d like to read more, here are Samantha’s and Jesica’s stories.

Alongside my clinical work, I raise awareness by writing, teaching, and speaking about vulvodynia. My goal is simple: to break the silence.

Final words

If you suffer from pain during sexual intercourse or chronic vulvar pain, remember:

✨ You are not damaged.

✨ It’s not in your head.

✨ You don’t have to carry this in silence.

Let’s change the conversation together.

Let’s start talking about it.

Let’s normalize vulvodynia.

Orit Zilberman is a Chinese medicine therapist with over 20 years of experience, dedicated to supporting women with vulvodynia and other gynecological conditions.